It is amazing how children look up to their fathers as super heroes able to handle any predator. There is this indescribable joy on the face of a child when he is taking a walk with the dad.
On the last Fathers’ Day, I asked a girl casually if she had wished the dad “happy father’s day.” The response I got threw me off balance. “I have wished Mr and Mr so and so in the church.” She was referring to her Sunday school teachers. I asked her why, and she responded without mincing words “I no longer have a daddy but a father.” Trust me, I prodded further, feigning ignorance. “What is the difference?” Well… any man can be a father but not all men are daddies, she said with finality dismissing me. I later found out the father had abandoned them and their mum for another woman he had been frolicking with.
It is like overflogging it saying that marriages and family values are being thrown to the dogs now. Partners who swore to build homes for their children throw caution to the wind for selfish reasons. Little or no considerations are given to the children of the marriage at this time. A child who had always taken it for granted that he would always wake up to see mum, dad and his siblings has to live with the reality of seeing another woman living in daddy’s room. Or has to witness mummy wake up in another man’s bed everyday because there had been a divorce and mum got custody.
There are many ways the children react to this change in status quo. It could be denial, which might lead to depression, it could be deviant behaviour, and for some lucky ones, acceptance of the reality on ground. Imagine a child whose first port of call is mummy and daddy’s room on his return from school. Suddenly, he realises he can no longer enter daddy’s room ‘anyhow’ because the occupant is not mummy and does not like her privacy invaded.
I am talking to daddies not because you are the guilty party, but because you are the head and the Chief Security Officer of the family. I know some women are wired to act and then think later rather than the other way round, but please, do not leave your duty post. Stand up to protect your children not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.
There is nothing as great and joyful as watching your children grow every step of the way. Being able to tell them and their childhood stories. Being able to tell your grandchildren about their father.
I know you have your life to live. Especially, with your wife becoming such a pain in the neck. But life is sacrifice. If only you can make some more sacrifice, shove your ego somewhere and be the model of maturity in that relationship.
Sacrifices like not just being a financial father ( the one who only knows to give money) but an active participant in the welfare of your children. How about walking the journey of life with them by showing interest in their education. Checking their school notes occasionally, attending Open day, PTA meetings, Inter house sports etc. are not a bad idea. It is cool if you would know their friends and do a background check on them.
God bless your hustles.
She is the founder of Cassandra's Diary, a forum for trashing out issues in families.
Married to Dele, they are blessed with 3 children, Temi, Tolu and Alexandra.
In summary, my team and I, we are counselors and public speakers with a passion to raise model families.