I was in a counselling session with a couple and it was getting hotter with both of them arguing back and forth. I asked the usual questions from both of them and I got good responses. I was confused because from their answers, they seemed good and cool in their relationship. Then, what was rocking the marriage? After a lot of pressurising, the man blurted out “she doesn’t give me food.” Food ke? I wondered. She does not feed me, he said again. I thought you answered me that your wife is a good cook, who serves your food as at when due. Then, he summoned courage and said, “what is the essence of her good food when she refuses me sex?”. Ah ah! now I understand.
The issue of sex is something couples find difficult to discuss with third parties, even counsellors. It is worse if the couples are religious. They are so ashamed to admit that sex is the cause of feud between them. This may turn into a terrible storm that if care is not taken, it may rock the boat if their marriage.
In whatever way you look at it, sex is legal and acceptable in marriage. Even heaven authorised it. Marriage is primarily for companionship. Every other thing follows. The first man, Adam, was given a woman because “he was lonely” and apparently cold sleeping alone. He needed warmth and someone to relate with.
That man, has always been cooking and eating before he married you, let no one deceive you that, that is the only way to his heart. After all, you hear the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Many men want the food for their stomach as well as the one for their body. Failing in one is complete failure.
The couple I mentioned above are Christians and that makes it even more complicated because the man feels he is being exposed to temptation and test of faith by his wife. A man that has been well fed at home will find it easier to concentrate at work place environment when the “slay queens” roam around in their seductive attires seeking whom they may devour.
I want to admit that sex denial is not ppeculiar to men alone. Some women get denied too. The problem is, many women never have the courage to complain. It seems like a taboo to them. They feel it is not dignifying for a lady to talk about sex, how much more, complain of not being serviced by the husband. I just wonder at how many women die in silence when they are not getting satisfaction in the “other room.” The word ‘orgasm’ is foreign to a lot of women. They have never experienced it and they feign satisfaction for their husbands.
Folks, the time to begin to work on your sex life is now. Sit down and discuss your sexual life as a couple. Determine which spices you want to add (within godly limit) and how you want the food served. May God help you.
She is the founder of Cassandra's Diary, a forum for trashing out issues in families.
Married to Dele, they are blessed with 3 children, Temi, Tolu and Alexandra.
In summary, my team and I, we are counselors and public speakers with a passion to raise model families.