OVERCOMING TENSION IN THE FAMILY
Tension in the family is a monster that, when not killed before it grows out of hand, can destroy from the root.
Many things can lead to crisis but the particularly common one is tension or sometimes called stress. With the prevalent economic crunch all over the place, it is very easy to be stressed up. Many have to work harder, yet not earning as much as they would want to. There are even some who have to play multiple roles like being a mother, wife, daughter, career woman, church worker etc. The quest to balance all these, can lead to tension. It is not limited to only one member of the family. The man also could be playing the role of a father, husband, family coach, career person, sometimes even a spiritual leader. His brain keeps working on different things at the same time. So much he becomes tensed and could take it out on members of his family or withdraws to himself depending on how he is able to manage his emotions.
Handling too many things at a time like school/work, home, spiritual responsibility, societal responsibilities, extended family expectations, do take its toll, create tension and in effect lead to crisis.
It is pertinent to remind yourself that life is lived only once and the onus is on each individual to create a conducive atmosphere for himself. The family should be conscious of when to slow down and diffuse tension so it does not escalate into crisis. The people you are trying to impress may turn around to blame you for not being a responsible man or a virtuous woman because you allowed things to escalate in your family.
The following are some of the ways out of tension and tonics to eradicate crisis in our families.
– Create time to do the things that make you happy. e. g. Dancing, listening to music (music has a way of
soothing the soul), visiting the beach/parks.
– Take a walk when you are under tension far away from the scene of offense.
– Leave situations that are sapping your energy and come back to them later, the tension would have reduced
and you have a clearer vision. E.g when you are searching for something and it seems like it is not
anywhere in sight in the house.
– Take a holiday at the level you can afford. It does not necessarily mean spending a lot of money planning a
holiday. You can go visit a close relative where you will not have to lift a finger but you will be attended
to and pampered. Your home will not collapse before you come. You are not the pillar holding it but God.
– If you have small and big projects and it seems you are not making a head, handle the small ones first. The
little achievements you have on that will encourage you and help you overcome frustration.
– Do not bottle up emotions. Have a time for family discussion where everybody is free to share his worries,
– Do not follow the Joneses. Have a definite plan especially financials and keep to it. Do not live by the
financial expectation of people. Never be afraid to say ‘No’ to requests from other if it will be put
pressure on you.
She is the founder of Cassandra's Diary, a forum for trashing out issues in families.
Married to Dele, they are blessed with 3 children, Temi, Tolu and Alexandra.
In summary, my team and I, we are counselors and public speakers with a passion to raise model families.